All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
