What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
