i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
