I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
