At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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