There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
