i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
