My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
