How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
