I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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