One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
