she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think your dad took our porno
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
