I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You are a genius and a whore.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
