you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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