You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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