last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
