right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Even my vagina gasped.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
