Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
