I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
