okay pat passed out under dana's car
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
