he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
