Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize
