Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
