Soap is not a condiment
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize