if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
