there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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