Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
send nudes
from the living room?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
