You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
