Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
