At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Watching her eat just hurts me
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
