somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
