And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
