i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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