It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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