I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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