I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
