Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize