help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
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