I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
