so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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