i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
