You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
