everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
