ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
