You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
