I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He did a backflip because drugs
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