I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
there is glitter all over my balls
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
