TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
