i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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