Redeem this text for a blowjob
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
