You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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