how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
