i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
