I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm jealous of your bromance
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
