these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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