my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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