Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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