But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize