She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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