Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
