How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
