4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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